


Love's Ache

by pignuklif



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Awkward Flirting, Awkward Romance, Blood and Injury, ETC:, Fluff and Angst, GEN TAGS:, Good Peter Pettigrew, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), POV Third Person Limited, Period-Typical Homophobia, Possessive Behavior, Protective James, Public Hand Jobs, Rape/Non-con Elements, Remus is a softy, Slurs, TRIGGER TAGS:, Violence, dumbleboob is a nuisance, okay I was high when I wrote this so don't @ me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-21
Updated: 2019-09-21
Packaged: 2020-11-02 11:08:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20725091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pignuklif/pseuds/pignuklif
Summary: James realises his flaws and develops a crush on Hogwarts' most hated Slytherin boy. Who also happens to be his mutual soulmate.





	Love's Ache

**Author's Note:**

> Found this ugly ass fic in my google docs from like 2015, translated it to English, and edited some of it, and decided "fuck it, let's post it". So here you go. I was unduly high when I went in to translate and edit it, so the majority of it is crack and I'm sorry in advance.

Queue shitty epilogue

“P-Please, n-not today," Snape gasps, another blow coming to his shin in shocking waves. James snorts.

“What ?”

“T-Tomorrow… Please…” James looks at Sirius, then Peter, then Remus. They’re as confused as he is. Never has Severus Snape begged for his daily beating to be postponed. Never has Severus begged. It’s been sneers and sarcastic prompts but never begging.

“Didn’t think we’d get this outta you, Snivellus,” James says, weakly. “What’s up about today ? Your birthday or something ? Want a get out of beating card ?”

“No,” Severus says softly. He’s shaking, badly. He never shakes. Never cries-- is he crying ? Snape’s never… James frowns, Sirius and Peter look around awkwardly. Then James kneels next to Snape's pathetic body, on his side, curled in a slimy ball of shakes and sniffles.

“Tell me.” Snape sighs loudly, but his shaking grows heavier and his breathing suddenly speeds. Before James can say another word, Remus shoves him out of the way and helps the black-haired git up on his arse. Snape suddenly gasps in pain and rolls so he’s sitting on the side of his hip. 

“Guys, something’s really wrong,” Remus mutters.

“No shit,” Sirius says. He kneels, too, though. Snape's eyes are red-rimmed, tear-stained, its black is glossed over and… terrified. None of the Marauders have ever seen Snape look scared or sad, only lonely, angry, maybe miserable… but never fearful. “Fail potions or somethin’, Snivles ?” Snape sneers, but his mouth his still hung open, breathing never quite slowing. 

“No,” he hisses, softly. Sirius knits his eyebrows, but Remus speaks before Padfoot can.

“I think you need to see Madam Pomfrey, Snape,” Remus says. “I’ll try to get them to lay off you for a few days.” Snape's eyes widen and he turns to Remus.

“You wouldn’t do that,” he chokes, gently, and James feels his gut churn uncomfortably. Something really is wrong with the little welp, huh ? Enough for Remus to actually talk about not bullying the pathetic worm.

“Not without an explanation,” Sirius says. Remus shoots a nasty glare his way. “What ? Why the fuck should this day be a pass ?”

“Because he’s in bloody fucking pain, you sadistic bastard,” Remus snaps. Sirius sputters out an apology and Remus turns back to Snape. “Peter and I will walk you to Pomfrey… James and Sirius won’t be nearby, don’t worry.”

“No ! No… I can’t go to Pomfrey…” Snape shakily brings himself to his feet, eyeing James and Sirius wearily, making James look away, guiltily. Why ? He shouldn’t feel guilty for the little wimp. He deserves to be moulded with the forest floor they stand on… Freak of a wizard. Why was this any different ?

“It’s an act,” Sirius scoffs. “He just wants a break.” Snape rolls his eyes.

“Sue me for wanting th-that,” he hisses, brokenly. He’s still shaking and James only realises now that it’s gotta be thirty degrees and the lad’s only in his vest and trousers. Sirius steps forward, though, a fist curling in Snape’s shirt. He shoves him back down, earning himself a yelp from the Slytherin.

“You should be _ thanking _us for going easy on you today, then.” Snape claws at Sirius’ hand and eventually Sirius lets up. Only because Remus has to push him off. While Remus and Sirius quietly argue, James stares at Snape on the wet grass, partially iced over from the previously cold night. He’s on his hip again, trying to smooth the folds in his shirt and vest that Sirius made. Then Snape looks at James and his eyebrows knit.

“Take a picture, Potter, it lasts longer.” James doesn’t say anything, causing Snape to look him up and down, slowly, curiously. “What ?”

“How come you never told us to stop before ?” Now Remus and Sirius are listening. James sees Snape’s Adam's apple bob once before he rises on his feet once more. He’s covered in mud, but he doesn’t seem to care, he doesn’t even try to wipe off any of the dirt that had smeared on his cheek.

“It doesn’t matter.” He reaches down to pick up one of the books James had thrown around the Black Lake field. “You can resume t-tomorrow,” he adds, weakly. James frowns even more and looks at the other Marauders. Remus looks away, Sirius looks pissed, and Peter’s hurrying to pick up another one of Snape’s books.

“Whatever,” James mutters. “We don’t give a shit.” Sirius nods.

“Thank you for letting me know,” Snape says, dryly. “For a minute, I thought you were infatuated with me.” James’ eyebrows knit. Yeah, why’d he feel guilty for this slimy minger again ? Snape lightly thanks Peter for helping him with his books and starts walking back to the castle… but he isn’t running. Usually, after the Marauders corner him by the Black Lake, he runs off to hide from them, but he’s… walking. As if he’d just departed from a friendly gathering. His books are clutched close and he uses the sleeve of his hand-me-down shirt to finally wipe his face. James watches as he does, feeling rather empty and distant from the event. Bullying let James rid off anger and unresolved tension. But this time, he’s left with a stack of dread and uncomfortableness on his shoulders. 

* * *

PART I

"How is being a…" Peter looks around. "mudblood better than being a half-blood ?"

"Because, you ding dong," James snides. "those who are mudbloods are born from two muggles and, like, miraculously become magic wizards. That's amazing. Half-bloods are mixed, unnatural.”

“That makes no sen--” Peter’s cut off by Sirius who nods.

“No, yeah, I agree.”

“Sirius, I thought _ you _were a half-blood ?” Sirius looks thoughtful for a moment.

“No. No, I’m not.”

“I am,” Remus says, his nose buried in a Dark Arts text. James scoffs.

“You’re an exception, of course.”

“Is Snape ?”

“Merlin, what if it with you and Snivellus these days ?” Sirius asks. Remus slaps his book on the Great Hall table and stares at Sirius. Sirius frowns, shoulders sagging ever so slightly. Like a child being scolded by his mother.

“I just think we’re… sixth years, now. We shouldn’t be harassing the weak. We should be focussing on our academics and relationships.”

“Ohh, does Remus have a crush ?” Peter lulls. “Maybe on Snivles himself ?”

“Gross !” Sirius blurts. “Is that why you’ve been so protective of him lately ?” Remus rolls his eyes and opens his text back up. 

“That’s a terrifying thought, Sirius, Peter.” Peter and Sirius snigger to each other softly, while James stares at his friends. Mostly Remus. Maybe Moony’s right. Maybe it is a bit embarrassing that they’re sixth years and still feel the need to bully others. Frankly, it’d gotten a bit boring, too. Snape usually didn’t put up a fight, laughed when they tried to hex him, insulted them when they resorted to psychological bullying. Nothing could phase the boy any more. Until today, at least. James still can’t stop thinking about how vulnerable Snape looked. How broken he sounded. 

* * *

“Can anybody tell me what a soulmate is ?” When had Defence Against the Dark Arts turn into a romance seminar ? Yes, Valentine’s Day is coming up, but shouldn’t they be learning defence against Dark Arts spells ? Hexes, maybe ? “Everyone has one,” Professor Moody continues. “Everyone has one, and all witches and wizards are allowed to know the name of their soulmate.” Remus raises his hand. Moody nods to him.

“What exactly is the point of a soulmate ?”

“Soulmates have compatible magic. It’s a soulbond between two lovers and the closer they are to each other, the more they love each other, the stronger their magic is and the stronger their defence charms work. That’s where DADA comes in. Excellent question, Mr Lupin.” Remus smiles softly and Moody continues, writing on his blackboard some of his words. “There is no true ‘point’ of a soulmate, however. It’s beneficiary, having your soulmate nearby can help you emotionally and physically. Emotionally, your soulmate might send over positive energy or gentle reminders if you forget anything regarding self-care. Eating, sleeping, taking medication…” Moody steps back and turns back to his class. “Though… some people don’t necessarily like the idea of having a soulmate. In fact, a lot of people ditch their soulmates for better looking or better-sounding people. Sounds harsh, I know, but it’s reality.” Moody steps away from the blackboard and to his desk. “Today, you have two options. Perform the Soulmate spell which once cast, will send you the name of your soulmate via ink on your arm. Or, if you don’t want to know who your soulmate is, your other option is to study for the test on Thursday. Turn to page four hundred and seven and begin. If you need help, call me over.” 

“What if it isn’t Lily, James ?” Remus asks. James scoffs.

“I’ll kill myself. Moody said it didn’t have to be romantic, anyway, so…”

“So. If you get a guy ?”

“Exactly. We’ll just be, like, friends.” Remus shakes his head, a smile tugging at his lips.

“Soulmate revelare tuum,” James whispers softly. He looks on his arms. On his wrist, he sees black start to swirl, on his tendons, around his veins, his bones. S… e… v… e… r… u… s……. James’ blood runs cold. No. Absolutely not. No… S… n… a… p… No fucking way. James holds a hand over his mouth and looks at Remus. Remus blinks.

“What ?” He smiles. “No way, is it really Lily.” James shakes his head and puts his arm down so Remus can see. Remus’ eyes widen, his smile drops instantly. “Oh, James…”

“The fuck am I supposed to do with this information ??” James hisses, quietly. He quickly pulls his robes’ sleeves down and looks around. No one can know. Fuck, what if he has to start hanging out with the greasy mug after this ? What’ll it do to his reputation ? Tarnish it. He’ll be talked about, hanging out with a sewer rat such as Snape.

“Hey, remember when you said it didn’t have to be romantic ?”

“I’m not worried about that, you git, I’m worried about just… being connected to him. We’re polar opposites.”

“Ah,” Professor Moody says from behind James. “A polar opposite ? Those kinds of soulmates are rare. Yin and Yang. You’ll be powerful together, no doubt. It’s hard for soulmates to be at a balance, but opposites find a balanced platform when they’re together, an equilibrium if you will. Keeps your magic steady, your minds clear and calm, especially in the face of danger. Who is it ?” James flushes.

“No one.”

“Ah. Someone you dislike, then ?”

“I don’t understand,” James whispers. Moody laughs loudly.

“You aren’t supposed to understand soulmates, my boy. It’s magic.” James snorts and curses himself for it. What this is is serious. His soulmate is… is Snape. Ugly, evil, smelly Snape. Greasy haired, always reaks of sour and spice from all his time with potions in the dungeons, sweaty, crooked-nosed, yellow-teethed, sallow-faced nonce. The way his black eyes were gloss over in anger, sickening, the way his nose would wrinkle when he sneered, sickening, the way his hair would fall over his pale face when he’d walk through the halls… the way he’d let out a soft gasp when someone tried to talk to him… the way James could always see his own livid face in the Slytherin’s beady endless eyes… Yes, all sickening. 

* * *

But the next time he sees Snape, a week later, all his anger, the red from his vision, it’s all gone. James is in his invisible cloak. He’d decided to follow Snape from class to class, having Moony cover for him for his own classes. Now they’re standing in one of the greenhouses. They’d just gotten there. Snape bends down in front of a plant, it looks like a flytrap. The Slytherin then goes on his knees and sits on his heels. And he digs through his ugly, tattered satchel, and fishes a sketchbook out. James slowly approaches, and peers over Snape’s shoulder. Snape’s flipping pages to find a blank one and in between are various sketches of plants, lakes, water ponds, creatures… and students. Mostly Lily. But there’s a few of the professors, one of Dumbledore. And then Snape pauses on one page in particular. It’s of James. James holds back a gasp. James is sitting at a table, smiling, his chin resting on his knuckles. Then there’s another sketch of James in the corner, he’s smiling there, too. Around the sketches of James are potted flowers and books, really neatly designed books, and a little hippogriff with a voice bubble by it reading: “Hello” in stupidly messy cursive. Then Snape turns the page and it’s blank. He looks around, his dark hair pooling awkwardly around his shoulders. Then he turns back to the plant and apparates a quill in his hand. It’s a dirty quill, very worn, very used. Though, most of what Snape owns and uses are very worn and used and hand-me-downish. Another reason why James feels queasy. 

“Oh !” James quickly steps back when Snape jumps in shock. “Sorry,” he whispers, and James walks around to see what happened. Snape’s finger is bleeding. The flytrap’s mouth is slowly closing, and he can see some red oozing out of it. “You’re right,” he mutters. “I should have taken you out to dinner first.” James’ lips quirk, but he doesn’t fully smile. Snape is, though, which distracts James for what feels like hours. James realises, now, that he’s never seen Snape smile. Not truly. He’s seen his sarcastic smirks and his smug grins after the Marauders ever got into any trouble, but this one is soft and gentle and… Safe. Then Snape stills and frowns and he looks in James’ direction.

“H-Hello ?” Snape calls out. James can see Snape’s breathing quicken. He’s terrified. James has never seen Snape truly terrified, either. Every time the Marauders would walk up to him, he always had some witty insult to say or he kept his emotions stoic and unreadable. Except earlier that week, by the lake. And now. Snape quickly shuts his sketchbook and turns to the plant. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I’ll come back soon… I must… After one of my beatings, maybe.” James restricts his throat, he feels sick again. _ One _of his beatings ? So he isn’t the only person who bullies him… Fuck. Snape gets up and dusts his knees off, clutching the sketchbook close to him. James isn’t paying attention and groans out an ‘oof’ when Snape runs into him. Snape’s eyes widen.

“Hello ?” Snape whispers and reaches a hand out to James. James rolls his eyes and takes his cloak off. Snape’s expression goes from scared blanche to anger. “Potter. Stooping to spying, are we ? Very muggle of you.”

“Shut up,” James mutters. He looks away. Then to Snape’s chest. He points to the sketchbook. “Didn’t know you drew.” Snape’s breath hitches.

“That’s none of your business…” A few seconds pass. Snape sighs and holds it out. James quirks an eyebrow. “What ? You’re going to take it away from me and rip the pages out or burn it or… all of the above. So get it over and done with.” The queasy feeling is back and James winces, almost in pain. Snape seems to notice. He takes the sketchbook back and observes James, slowly looking him up and down. James shakes his head.

“No, I… I don’t want to… do that…” Snape blinks.

“Fine…” The Slytherin awkwardly walks around James and makes his way to the greenhouse exit. James turns around and grabs the boy by his elbow. The ravenet turns and with big eyes, stares at James as if he’d grown a second head. “Unhand me, Potter,” he hisses. James wants to hit the foul-smelling boy. Wipe his idiotic face against the floor until it bleeds… but the thought only makes him want to hurl. Instead, he lets go and takes a deep breath… What _ did _ he want to say ? What, like… sorry ? And hope that’s it ? 

"Sorry," Awful. Terrible, really. And Snape looks like he's about to laugh. "No, wait, I'm not sorry… Well, I am, but that's not all I want to say… I–"

"Stop… Potter… Don't do that," he whispers. "Just leave me alone." Snape turns back around and leaves. Leaves James to stand like an absolute arsehole swimming in toxic embarrassment. Rank, that was… James mentally kicks himself as hard and as much as he's done Snape in for that absolute stupidity that was that apology. _ Snape had every right to push you, you know _, his mind hisses. Hisses like Snape had done when he grabbed him abruptly.

* * *

That night he can't stop staring at his forearm. It's written in Snape's handwriting… he remembers it from his sketchbook… And the sketches of him. James smiles softly, unable to resist. They were good, too. In a unique style, traditional. Almost reminds him of that muggle author, Edgar Allen Hoe or something. Then he frowns. Why him ? Why would he draw his number one bully smiling ? It makes James feel warm and calm. But nauseous. The point of James finally 'growing up', is supposed to be making amends with the people who he'd bullied, not develop crushes on them.

Crush ?

This is a crush, isn't it.

Awful. Truly terrible.

Well, James suspects it's normal, what with Snape being his soulmate and all… He has to find a way to tell Sirius and Peter now. Oh they'll be in fits, won't they. James rests his forearm over his Gryffindor comforter and looks up at the top bunk, absently. Then he hears Remus shift from the bed next to him. James looks over at Remus' back, he's sitting up and breathing hard. Another nightmare no doubt.

"Moony… You okay ?" James whispers.

"Yes," Remus replies, softly. "Walk with me ?" James gets up and follows Remus down into the commons. They sit on the couch nearest to the hearth and lights a fire within, on a few logs. Remus puts his knees up to his chest and holds them, James sits with his legs hanging off the armrest.

"Nightmare ?" Remus shakes his head.

"Can't sleep." James nods. "I did the spell…"

"The soulmate one ?"

"Yes."

"And ?"

"And…"

"Come on Moons. It _ can't _ be as bad as mine." Remus chuckles gently. Then he holds out his forearm and rolls up his pyjama sleeve.

"Alastor M… Moody… Oh." James looks at Remus who looks… hurt. "That isn't bad."

"He's ten years older than me."

"And if he were four younger we'd have gone to school with him. He's a good lad, ain't he ?"

"Besides the point, Prongs… Do you think he knows ?"

"Considering he taught it today ? I'd say so."

"Oh… Okay. Well, I'm not angry over it." James smiles. "I just thought it'd be a girl or at the very least, someone my age."

"Moody said it isn't necessarily supposed to be–"

"Romantic, I know, but I feel… drawn to him now. Now that I know he's my soulmate. And it scares me."

"He wouldn't hurt you."

"Even if he finds out ?" James clenches his jaw. A Dark Arts professor should be the most tame with lycanthropy, though it is odd, for an underaged student to be one. But Remus did once say Moody is one of the most laid-back and trustworthy of the professors.

"I think you'll be fine," James says, finally. "I mean… it's definitely more preferable to Snape." Remus snorts and nods.

"Touche… what are you going to do about it ?" James shrugs.

"Tell him, eventually. He deserves to know, right ?" Remus stares. James lets his gaze wonder to Remus and gazes back. "What ?"

"It's affected you, too. You're soft on him."

"What ? No."

"'He deserves to know', since when did the worm 'deserve' anything, Prongs ?"

"Shut up ! I'm not soft on him… I just… why stay fighting with your _ soulmate _. Soulmates are a big deal, or whatever, right ?" Remus shrugs, still staring, a light smile plastered ugly on his pale mug. "I said shut up."

"I didn't say anything."

"You practically ranted with your eyes." Remus laughs and it turns into a long yawn. James yawns, too.

"Good night, James," Remus says as he gets up. After he quietly makes his way back up to the dorms, James stays and stares at the fire. His thoughts are blank, a white canvas, not even Snape penetrates it. Then he does, and James tenses and follows Remus to their dorm.

* * *

The next time James sees Snape is in Potions, which they've had together the entire year, but for some reason, James suddenly realises. Snape sits alone, an odd number fills the class and he's the only one without a partner. James looks at Snape and Snape, as if feeling his gaze, looks back, startled. James smiles and the Slytherin's mouth falls open, ever so slightly, confusion spreading across his sallow face. There's a really really gorgeous Hufflepuff sitting next to him. She's blonde, she has endearing blue eyes, full lips, a button nose, long legs, fair skin, and pearly white teeth. But he wants nothing more than to get up and sit next to Snape… Actually. James raises his hand, suddenly. Professor Slughorn looks up from his desk and walks over.

"Is the reading confusing ?"

"Uh, no, sir. I was wondering… Um… Snape's always alone back there. He never has a partner. I was wondering if I could go over and work with him ?" Professor Slughorn turns to an alarmed Lydia. 

"Are you fine with this, Miss Oddwood ?” The blonde blinks Then shrugs.

“Um… Um, yeah. Yeah, no, that’s fine.” James smiles, gathers up his books, and rushes to Snape’s table. The look on the Slytherin’s face is almost laughable. He’s stunned ! And he has every right to be. Everyone in class is staring, too, now. And they have every right to stare. James doesn’t-- for once in his damned life-- care, though. He doesn’t. He feels a weight lift off his chest the closer he is to Snape. He turns to smile at Snape and is met with a deadly glare.

“What do you think you are _ doing, _ Potter. Bully me outside class, at lunch, in between weekends, I don’t care, this is _ me _time, I--”

“I’m not here to bully you, you wet rag.” Snape wrinkles his nose. “I’m here to… You looked lonely.”

“I’m always lonely.”

“Not anymore.”

“Why’s that ?”

“I’m here, silly,” James flashes the bat a pearly white smile which makes Snape growl in nature. It’s organic and very… Snape. But it isn’t… annoying. As he might’ve found the Slytherin’s growl a few days ago.

"Tell me why you really decided to sit next to me."

"Do you want the truth or a realistic lie ?" Snape raises an eyebrow. "Basically… Basically…" James looks down and Snape scoffs.

"Just leave me alone, Potter. This is the only safe space I have." James nods, a little hurt he isn't able to tell him the truth. And then class is over, quickly, and even after Slughorn dismisses them, James is so into his thoughts, he almost forgets to jump when Snape's hand is placed on his shoulder. Almost.

"S-Sorry," Snape says. "It's just… class is over." James looks around at the partially empty classroom and nods, smiling a bit.

"Right ! Right… sorry." Snape nods and starts to walk away. James watches him. Watches him until he's completely out of sight. Only then does he begin to pack and rush to his next class.

* * *

"What ?" Sirius hisses, quietly. They're in Transfiguration when Janes tells Sirius who his soulmate it. And it's probably his smartest idea to date because at least during class Sirius can't yell or shout or possibly hit James. He is livid, though. Very very absolutely livid.

"Before you get too… angry, I want to make it clear that… well, we can't pick on Snape any longer." Sirius sits back, eyes still mad and wide open. James doesn't think he's seen him blink in a full minute, either.

"Unlucky bastard," he mutters. James scoffs.

"Tell me about it."

"It's… Snape."

"Tell me about it… I'm as appalled as you."

"Are you, though ? Don't seem it. And what about Moony and Wormtail ? What'll you think they'll say ?" James chuckles.

"Moony was fine with it. Still haven't spoken to Wormtail, yet."

"I wasn't the first person you went to when you found out ? Tragic."

"Moony was there when I did the spell. He grabbed my arm and forced himself to see it."

"Oh… Sorry. Wait, who's is Remus' ?"

"Not my place to say." Sirius scoffs.

"Lame."

"Mr Black, Mr Potter, something to share ?" Sirius and James look back down at their doves.

"Sorry," they say in unison. 

* * *

"Snivellus ! I'll be damned," Peter says when he hears of James' latest annoyance. James nods. "Ain't that bad… This actually works out well."

"Why's that ?"

"My soulmate… she's someone you used to fancy."

"How do you know I _ used _to fancy this person ?"

"Well… I don't… Which is why I can't tell you yet."

"Bugger."

"Your favourite."

"Thin ice." Peter grins.

"Do the rest know ?"

"Yeah." Peter nods. "It's crazy. I dunno. I… I feel. Connected to him and fuck Peter, you can't tell Padfoot or Moony. Moons will tease me for life and give me those _ looks _and the mutt will punch me." Peter giggles and nods.

"Glad you trust me… Well. I change my mind, then… My soulmate is Lily. Lily Evans."

"Lily ! Bloody hell, no wonder you wanted to tell me." Peter nods. "Have you told her, yet ?"

"Have you told Snape ?" James sighs.

"Touche…"

"I'm ugly, James. She's not–"

"She isn't what she seems, Wormy. Just be yourself, try to befriend her. If she's best mates with _ Snape _, you definitely have a chance." Peter laughs again.

"Thanks. Confidence boosted." 

"Why were you afraid of telling me ?"

"Well, I know y'u fancied her n' all n' she's right fit, didn't wanna get you riled."

"Thank you for that," James says sarcastically.

"Do you still fancy her ?"

"Yes. But… not as much as I did before."

"Do you… fancy Snape ?"

"Absolutely not. Being friendly to him is a chore, I don't want to think about being in a romantic relationship with him."

"Muggy."

"Right."

* * *

"Hello… you slimy git—"

"James, you can not call him that."

"Moons, I'm hopeless. I can't do this, he'll never forgive me."

"You won't know unless you try."

"Besides," Sirius interjects. "you're a catch, Prongs. Like the smelly mug could resist you for long."

"I've humiliated him for years… I've made him cry once. What person makes their soulmate cry ?"

"One who didn't know any better," Remus says, gently. "It won't be easy, getting him to trust you… let alone be his friend. He probably won't ever trust you, but at least being friends with your soulmate is a start."

"Moony's right," Sirius says. "I'll beat him up if he breaks your heart."

"Pretty sure it'd be James breaking Snivellus' heart," Peter mutters, earning an elbow to the stomach from Remus.

"Don't listen to them, James. Talk to him today. Try and do him a favour or ask him about his day and how well he is." James nods. Yeah. Okay. He could do that. No probs. He's spoken to many people about many things, approached the most intimidating guys and the hottest girls and he's always had good luck. Piece of cake.

* * *

PART II

James walks up to Snape the next day, corning him in the courtyard. James tries not to focus on the attention he receives from his classmates, they probably think he means to bully the Slytherin. And based on Snape's face, he thinks so, too.

"Hey," he says, shakily, much to his annoyance. Snape's eyes are wide, a flush on his ears as everyone stares at him. He shrugs.

"Get it over with, Potter. Your audience awaits." James feels his stomach clench and his throat feel clogged. He quickly shakes his head.

"No, I, uh… How was your day ?" Snape blinks.

"If you aren't going to hex me, leave me alone." Snape tries to brush past James, but the Gryffindor grabs his elbow again and turns him around. Snape stares up at James with a curious and almost scared look.

"I mean it," he whispers. "Walk with me." Snape hesitates, his mouth partially open, wanting to object, wanting to hit him or kick him or something. James would deserve it. But that doesn't happen. Instead, Snape shakes out of James' grasp and looks at his neck.

"Fine," he mutters. "If this is a prank, I–"

"It's not," James says a little too quickly. He curses himself for his eagerness. "I really… just want to talk." Snape snorts.

"Convincing. Alright. Fine."

"Wow, you trust me ?"

"I don't trust you, Potter, I never _ will _ . You're an egotistical nightmare of a wizard and you've only shown me pain and deceit." James swallows. "But I'm bored and if this is a prank or you plan to hex me or whatever… It'll be nothing I haven't gone through already." James closes his eyes and wants to drop his head, wants to cancel, wants to run away, away from all these _ eyes _ , these nosy _ eyes _. Then he's taking Snape's way too thin wrist and he's pulling him away from the courtyard and down the corridor by the DADA classroom, and out to the second courtyard, where the road to Hagrid's Hut and Hogsmeade starts.

"What do you want, Potter ?" Snape asks after a few seconds of silence.

"Um… How was your day ?"

"It was… tiring." James is surprised at the honesty.

"Howso ?"

"I'm tired, Potter." Fair enough. "How was yours ?"

"It–"

"Oh, it seems I don't give a shite." James smirks.

"Didn't realise you were such a potty mouth."

"You _ wouldn't _ know, would you ?" As they walk, James can't help but stare at the greasy-haired Slytherin beside him. He _ doesn't _ know him, does he ? But he wants to so bad for some reason. Snape's holding a text to his chest, his already pale hands blanching at his knuckles. He thinks the boy is too skinny. He shouldn't be so thin for his height. James might be taller by a few inches, but not much.

"No… I guess not. Um. You sketch, do you sketch often ?" Snape is silent for a moment before nodding.

"Yes. It's a stupid hobby, but it keeps my mind off stress."

"Ah, from, like, academics ?"

"No, Potter, not, like, academics. Like being brutally humiliated and hexed and beat every single day. Takes a toll on some people." James smirks.

"Tell me how you really feel." He sees Snape about to smile, but instead he sniffs and shrugs.

"Anyway, why do you care ?"

"I think you're good." Snape blinks and drops his head even more. James hates the way his long hair covers his face. He wants to see it, much to his own nausea. 

"How would you know ?"

"I saw some of your sketches," James says, coyly, a smirk spreading across his face. Snape looks up at James and studies him. "Including mine." The look on his stupid fucking face makes James smile even wider.

"I-I don't– that's… I can explain–"

"If you have a crush on me, you could just say it !"

"Shut up, Potter ! I can barely stomach your presence as is."

"So why'd you draw me ? Multiple times…"

"If you _ must _ know, you cocky bastard," James' smirk doesn't let up. "you have a very symmetrical face. You're a perfect muse." James opens his mouth but Snape puts his finger up. " _ Don't… _let it get to your fat head." James closes his mouth, his smile growing softer.

"What's your favourite class ?" Snape snorts.

"Guess."

"Potions ?" Snape pauses.

"It's what I'm good at."

"Which do you enjoy, though."

"Defense Against the Dark Arts."

"I knew it ! Little freak."

"Classy." James smiles. "Let me guess, your favourite is _ Quidditch _." James faux-gasps.

"How'd you know ! I _ am _all brawn and no brain, after all." James raises his arms to flex and catches Snape trying to hold back a smirk. "I prefer it that way."

"Why ?"

"Uh. Thinking sucks. Sometimes it's just okay to like… feel."

"Merlin, you're a nonce."

"And you put up with me."

"You force me to," Snape says, nonchalantly. "I'm afraid you'll hit me if I don't humour you."

"I won't."

"So I can walk away at any second ?"

"Yes…" Snape doesn't. "I promise." Snape still doesn't deviate from their slow stroll down to the Black Lake. When they do arrive, a faint shadow of the giant squid can be seen and Snape stares. James watches.

"You should draw the squid," James says absentmindedly. Snape sighs and nods.

"I might… Sit with me."

"Oh. Yeah ! Yeah, sure." Snape eyes James wearily as he sits on the grass, in the sun. Snape eventually sits next to James on his knees and looks at the lake. James does, too. The sun is a bright white orb, nothing like the caramel suns that come out during the summer. The entire sky is a brilliant silver, making the frosted tips of the grass they sit on glisten cooly. Then there’s a rumbling coming from the lake and they can see the squid come close to the surface. Snape opens his sketchbook quietly and pulls out a cruddy quill. James, without thinking, takes the quill from Snape’s hand and pulls out one of his own before giving it to Snape. Snape’s eyes are wide, his mouth hanging open slightly, and James has the urge to slap it off.

“Here.”

“That’s… Made from the feather of a Harpie… How’d you get this ? It’s an expensive piece.” James shrugs, kind of in awe that the damned quill is such a big deal. Snape takes it, gingerly, and it _ glows _in the boy’s hand. It was obviously meant to be in his hand rather than James’. Snape holds it over his paper and James takes this moment to throw Snape’s old quill in the lake. Almost immediately, the squid swims up to see the quill and Snape quickly sketches a rough outline of the beast. James would’ve given anything to see the squid up close, but instead, his eyes are glued to Snape’s hand and the way he sketches the creature. It’s fluid, tectile, gorgeous. After the sketch is complete and the squid returns to the lake’s murky depths, Snape starts drawing other mini-squids. Some with large, cute, doey eyes, others more dark. His favourite is the one with a cyclops eye and sharp teeth. James scoots closer for a better look and Snape freezes, as if he had forgotten James had been sitting next to him. He looks up at the Gryffindor, then at the quill.

“What are you doing ?” he murmurs. James tilts his head, trying to look at Snape’s face from behind his stringy black hair and smiles, genuinely.

“Hanging out with you.”

“Yes, I’m not blind, I just… Why are you being nice ?”

“Because I… I’m trying to change.” Snape scoffs, making James frown.

“Why now ? Why not five years ago ? Four, even. Three ? Two ? Why this year ?” James looks away.

“I’m sorry.”

“Answer me.”

“I’ve-- I finally realise what a complete arsehole I’ve been to not only you, but Lily and sometimes the other Slytherins and this one guy, Mikey, in Muggle Studies, and this one red-head in--”

“Potter.”

“Right. Just… I--”

“Finally grew a conscious, huh ?”

“Finally realised how stupid I’ve been.”

“Say it again.” James sighs.

“I’ve been stupid. I’m a muppet. A complete and utter arsehole. And--”

“Now you want to make amends. Ease your guilt ?” That sounds selfish. James isn’t trying to be selfish.

“Kind of… but not just that. You… deserve more than what we’ve caused you.”

“‘We’ve’ ?”

“Remus and Sirius and Peter, they agree. We’re gonna be nicer and not pull such harsh pranks… Of course, we’ll always be pulling pranks, but the bad ones won’t be directed to just you.”

“Comforting.”

“Sorry… What I mean to say is… Um…” And then Snape laughs. He really does, and it’s awkward and it sounds like he’s in pain, but his smile is wide and James has never been so relieved to see the sewer bat’s yellow teeth before. When Snape calms down, he makes eye contact with James.

“You’re a right bastard, yeah ?” James smirks, and looks down.

“You can say that again.”

“Bastard.” James looks at Snape who looks like the smuggest arsehat in the history of smug arsehats and smiles. He nods. Fair. Then Snape looks down, turns a page in his sketchbook, and begins to draw some more. James looks away and out towards the lake and behind it the mountains and some of the spires from the Hogwarts castle. It felt… nice. Being in a calm and quiet environment with Snape. Strangely enough. James would have gagged at the thought of doing something as preposterous as this a week ago. And here he is, a warmth he’s never felt swelling within his ribcage. He looks back to Snape and Snape looks up at James, raising an eyebrow. No, Snape isn’t a looker. He’s the ugliest bloke James had ever seen and yet… he’s so drawn to the little minger’s face for some reason. _ He’s mine. _ James thinks suddenly. _ My soulmate _. And the nausea is back, but he doesn’t care. Snape opens his mouth to say something, but James smiles and shakes his head.

“Sorry, I was just thinking…”

“About what ?”

“You.” Snape blushes and damn is it bloody adorable.

“Why ? Thinking of what torture you’d like to do to me next ?” James smiles wider.

“How’d you know ?” Now Snape’s on the verge of smiling. He looks away.

“Call it a hunch, Potter.” James shakes his head.

“You can call me James.”

“I’d rather not. I don’t want to feel acquainted to you in such a friendly way.”

“Aw, you don’t wanna be my friend ?”

“As _ enticing _as that sounds, I absolutely do not.”

“C’mon, I’m a great friend !”

“Yeah ?”

“Yup. Ask any of my friends.”

“They’d beat me up if I tried.” James shouldn't have laughed at that, but he did and he regrets it, but when he looks at Snape, the bat’s smiling, too. James stares harder. Snape has… dimples… Oh, his heart clenches. And then Snape looks at him oddly again. “Potter.”

“Hm ?”

“Keep looking at me like that and I’ll assume you fancy me.” Now it’s James’ turn to blush. He scratches the back of his head and looks down at Snape’s sketchbook. Snape's been sketching the spectacle-wearing boy again. He starts to reach for Snape’s book and Snape’s grip tightens. Not wanting to make the Slytherin weary, he pulls back and instead scoots even closer so he can get a better look at the sketches. His legs are now flush with Snape’s, their shoulders glued. He can smell Snape, mildew and sour potion residue resting thickly in James’ nose. But he doesn’t care because looking at the drawings is worth it. Realistic and cartoon-y James’ fill the page. Some of them, he’s smiling, others he’s laughing. They’re well done, too, not crappy at all. 

“Keep sketching me and I’ll assume _ you _ fancy _ me _.”

“You wish,” Snape snaps, suddenly. James moves back and holds back a laugh from the irony of those two words. Because he kind of does wish for Snape to fancy him. Then he frowns and he’s nauseous again. Snape tilts his head and forces James to look at him again. They’re close… Very close… James looks from Snape’s glossy black eyes to his pale, chapped lips, then back to the voided orbs.

“What’s wrong ?” Snape whispers. His breath smells like muggle coffee and staleness. And James curses his heart from quickening because his gut is screaming at him to lean forward and plant one on the stupid greasy git. But he doesn’t. He leans back and smirks.

“You like me.” Snape frowns, eyebrows knitting.

“I do no--”

“You do ! You sketch me and you’re being nice to me--”

“I am not, you absolute dumba--”

“Nicer than you’ve ever been !”

“Only because you’re doing the same.”

“But why ! I was so so awful to you.”

“Is this how you usually make friends or apologise ? You remind the other person why you aren’t friends in the first place ?” James’ smile only falters slightly. “You’re so very strange, Potter, I’m almost glad you’ve never been my friend.”

“Except now.”

“No.” Snape looks away. “I’m only doing _ this _ out of fear of what you’d do if I didn’t.”

“I told you that you could leave at any--”

“I know.”

“So the sketches ? They’re for your sake, too ?”

“Yes,” Snape whispers and James leans back in to look at the sketches..

“They’re good. You’re talented.” James feels Snape’s breath hitch and then he closes his sketchbook.

“Okay…” James chuckles.

“You’re supposed to say ‘thank you’.”

“Thank you for not beating me up today.” Snape turns to James with a shit-eating grin and James shakes his head.

“Ugly bat.”

“Barmy bugger.”

“Belligerent codger.”

“Ouch,” Snape jokes. “I’m no older than you.”

“You act like you’re lifetimes ahead of me.”

“Only because you’re an immature brat.”

“You know me so well, love.”

“Don’t call me love.”

“Can I call you honey ?”

“Stop.”

“Sweetheart ?”

“I’ll kill you, Potter.”

“James.”

“You want to call me James ?”

“No that’s my name.”

“Very good, Potter ! Now, what’s my name ?”

“Arsehole.”

“Astute observation.”

“Git.”

“Ohh, good one.” James’ cheeks start to hurt from how much he’s smiling. He didn’t expect their banter to be so fluent and consistent. He always thought Snape would be awkward to talk to, but it’s the opposite. James feels so comfortable around the Slytherin, like he could spill his entire life to him… Well… that’d be what a soulmate is for, one would suppose… Then James realises how close they are again and he looks down at Snape’s lips. They’re a little chapped and blood-stained, most likely from how much the bat bites them. It’s a nervous tick James picked up on a year or two ago.

“Why haven’t I realised how bloody beautiful you are until now,” he accidentally murmurs out loud. He looks at Snape’s eyes to see if he scared the boy off, but he’s looking at James with the same intensity and longing, wide and conflicted, almost. James wonders if the sketches of him he saw earlier meant something more. James’ stomach turns to glitter when he thinks of Snape having the same feelings for him. _ Mine _, he thinks again. Then he’s leaning down and sees Snape close his eyes, tightly. His lips are pursed. He trusts James, but only a little, and James feels like he could cry. Because if he were Snape, he wouldn’t trust James. So he gently takes Snape’s cheeks in his hands and rests his lips on the boy’s lips. So softly. So gently. As if he were sneaking up on a rabbit. He can feel Snape shake under his hold, but the bat doesn’t try to shake away or run, so James takes that as a good thing. Then he pulls back and Snape’s eyes are still closed, though more relaxed now.

“Sorry,” James says, softly. Snape bites his lower lip and shakes his head.

“Okay…” James smiles and leans back in, planting another soft kiss upon the Slytherin’s. Snape, this time, leans back into the kiss, and rests his hands on James’ hands, shakily. As if he doesn’t want James to let go. Which he doesn’t. He wants to stay just like that, forever. And his stomach churns. But then the Slytherin pulls back and James realises why. The chatter of a few students can be heard in the distance.

“I’ve never skipped a class before,” Snape whispers. James smiles.

“Ohh, we have a bad boy over here.”

“Shut up,” Snape mumbles. “We should…”

“I don’t want to, though.”

“Okay.” James is still cupping the bat’s face. His tan hands make Snape look even more pale and ghostly. And he notices Snape’s small hands on his wrists, hanging there, looking so… holdable. James lets go of Snape’s jaw and picks up one of his bony and veiny hands. He’s so white, you can see the blue and red _ vines _ under his skin, going over and round his tendons. His fingers are stained black and dark purple, most likely from all the time he spends messing with potions and possibly Dark Arts hexes. His nails are long and filled with dirt and possibly neon powder from a potion of sorts, but his index finger has almost no nail. He probably bites them. Like he does his lip. Nervous little thing. Snape suddenly jerks his hand away and looks away from James. James smiles.

“Aww, are you shy ?” Snape huffs.

“Shut up, Potter.”

“James.”

“You’re stupid.”

“Yeah.”

“You’re a jerk.”

“Yeeaah.”

“Immature, cocky, rude, egotistical, irresponsible, oblivious.”

“All true.”

“You suck. You’re sociopathic.”

“I do suck, but I’m not sociopathic.”

“You are.”

“I’m not.”

“You’re heartless.” James grabs Snape’s hand and puts it on his chest. Snape turns his head to look at James and raises an eyebrow. “Stop.”

“You feel it ?”

“Yes.”

“It’s beating fast.” Snape seems to consider this and nods slowly. “Because of you.”

“Why ?” James swallows and lets Snape’s hand go. Snape keeps his hand on James’ chest for just a second longer before pulling it back. James pushes his robes’ sleeve up and Snape looks at it. On his forearm is the faint mark of ‘Severus Snape’ spelled in Snape’s handwriting. Snape shakes his head.

“I don’t understand.” James sighs.

“Um… Here. Hold out your arm.” Snape drops his head slightly, eyes not leaving James’ face. James nods and slowly reaches for Snape’s arm. “I’m not going to hurt you,” he whispers. “Trust me.”

“Trust you,” Snape repeats. He rolls his eyes before closing them. James takes Snape’s arm and takes his wand out. He points it to Snape’s wrist and whispers the soulmate incantation.

“Soulmate revelare tuum,” Snape’s eyes snap open when he feels the same sensation James felt on his when he first did the spell, and they watch his arm in awe. In James’ chicken scratch handwriting, his name slowly appears on his forearm and James smiles wide, happy the bond is mutual. He imagines himself leaning down to kiss the writing, but refrains when he sees Snape’s expression.

“We’re…”

“Yeah… Crazy, huh ?” Snape’s eyes violently snap up to James’.

“C-Crazy ? That’s all you have to say about this ? Do you understand how--” Snape looks down and jerks his arm away. “The Soulmate bond is a very very very rare and secret thing, Potter. Having a Soulmate is a very big ‘deal’.”

“How ?”

“If… Once you know who your soulmate is, if one of them dies, you’ll die along with them…” James smiles.

“No way.”

“Why do you look happy about that ??”

“Th-- Sorry, that’s just crazy.”

“Oh, you stupid boy.” Snape gets up. “You imbecile. Stupid stupid.” Snape’s muttering now, most likely insults directed towards James but James is _ thoroughly _ amused. He gets up, too, and Snape growls at him. “Stop smiling ! Soulmates are bonded for life. If your soulmate’s marking is equivalent to yours, you’re stuck together forever. You won’t be able to be apart without it aching.”

“I know.”

“You kn--” Snape looks up at James and his face softens. He sighs, and James realises for once, the bat isn’t shaking with nerves or shivers. “Is this why you’re trying to be nice to me now ?”

“I think so… but I really am trying to change for everyone else, too. You’re not _ that _ special.” Snape smirks.

“Arsehole.”

“Yes, but I’m _ your _arsehole, now.” Snape frowns.

“What, we’re a thing now ?” James blinks. He never thought of having a boyfriend before. Was being gay even allowed ? He’s never heard of any openly gay wizards or witches. It’s unnatural. What would everyone think ? Yes, it’s one thing being gay, being mocked and ridiculed and possibly made fun of, but it’s also Snape… Snape would be the one he’d be dating. He’d definitely be poked at for that one. But Snape looks so lost and insecure and he’s shaking again. James grabs one of Snape’s hands and shakes his head.

“We’re whatever you want to be. I don’t care.” Snape snorts.

“That ready to lose your popularity, Potter ? You’re really going to jeopardise all of this for… someone like me ?” James shakes his head.

“No. Not someone _ like _ you. I’m losing it for _ you _.”

“Romantic, Potter.”

“James.”

“Yes… Well…”

“We can take this slow.”

“Wait, you’re really going to… I mean, are we really--”

“Boyfriends ? Maybe. Maybe… Yes. Yeah.”

“Yes ?”

“I mean… do you want to ?”

“Be your boyfriend ?”

“Yes,” James smiles. Snape smiles, too.

“No.” James frowns when Snape pulls his hand back and turns his back on him. When Snape starts walking back to the castle, James frowns even more. He catches up and walks next to Snape.

“No ?”

“I’m not going to be your _ boyfriend _, you nasty git.”

“Wh… What ? Why not ?”

“I’m not into arseholes. And I’m not gay.”

“I-I’m not, either.”

“Says the one who kissed me.”

“You kissed back !”

“Because I was afraid you’d _ hit _ me if I didn’t.”

“That hurts… You think that lowly of me.” Snape turns and pushes James’ chest. James stumbles back, but regains his balance easily.

“You absolute fucking TWAT. Of bloody fucking COURSE I think _ lowly _ of you. All my _ years _ here you’ve made into a living _ hell _ , James Potter. You’re _ dirt _. You’re disgusting and messy and absolutely overrated.”

“Dirt’s overrated ?” Snape’s confused for just a second before he growls, loudly, and huffs.

“Fucking-- Fucking--” James can see Snape’s face turning red. Snape closes his eyes and shakes his head. “I can’t believe you _ really _ believed you could-- just _ ask _ me to be your _ boyfriend _. You’re more stupid than I thought. You’re an actual pisspot, aren’t you ? You’re so used to getting your way, huh, Golden boy ? So used to everyone bending to your will, falling in love with you. You have everyone wrapped around your pathetic bloody finger, but not me. I won’t be made a joke of. I will not fall for any more of your pranks. This one’s too… too deep…” Snape goes quiet and James feels a part of his heart rot over. He feels like he’s about to lose something great, something unretainable. So he quickly reaches for Snape and holds his face and leans in for another kiss. It’s just as light and shaky as their first, except it’s James that’s shaking. He can’t lose Snape. He can’t.

“Severus,” he whispers after parting. And Snape’s throat makes a weird noise and the Slytherin starts to shake again. Is he crying ? James doesn’t pull back far enough to find out. Instead he pulls back to pull Snape in for a hug. A strong one. He wraps his arms protectively around the boy. Snape doesn’t reciprocate, but James is just happy that he’s letting the Gryffindor hold him so close.

“I’ll change your mind,” James whispers, rubbing circles in the smaller’s back. Snape hiccups. “I’ll make sure your sixth and seventh years are the best. I’ll make sure nothing happens to you, I won’t allow it. I’ll never hurt you again.” Snape shakily brings his arms around James’ back and he can feel a damp spot form on his chest. And he smiles. And he pulls the Slytherin in more. Until the voices grow louder and James sees the silhouettes of students appearing from Merlin’s Gate.

* * *

PART III

James’ grip on Snape’s hand tightens when they walk back towards the school and in the sight of other witches and wizards. There’s whispering and odd looks and James feels like he should feel threatened or scared of his reputation, but having Snape next to him, feeling his small hand in his own… It’s worth more than his entire life. His image be damned. So he smiles, and he pulls Snape closer.

“James ?” James turns to see a few Gryffindor friends he made two years ago approach him. “Why on Earth are you holding Snape’s hand ? Lose a bet or something ?” James feels Snape’s hand slightly go limp, but James holds on tighter and ribs circles on the boy’s fingers. He shakes his head.

“No. This is my b--” Snape kicks the back off James’ heel. James rolls his eyes. “He’s my friend.” The Gryffindor laughs, and the other two do, as well.

“Yeah, right.” James nods and purses his lips.

“Yeah…” James walks past the group and don’t stop to listen to their surprised gasps and rushes whispering. It’s kind of thrilling. Letting all of his popularity go for Snape. And he needs Snape to trust him. Of course he wants to show his soulmate off. Plus, Snape’s probably the smartest and most talented wizard in the school. He has the best grades, he excels in the hardest class, Potions, and he’s really good with Defense Against the Dark Arts. James’ smile grows wider and he looks down at Snape. Then he frowns. The poor bat looks scared. He stops and turns to face Snape fully.

“You okay ?” Snape shrugs. “Do you want to go somewhere more private ? Sorry. This is probably overwhelming. Merlin, I’m an idiot. We can--”

“Shut up, fuck…” Snape looks away, a beet-coloured blush creeping up onto his sallow cheeks. James smiles. “We’re fine… I’m just not used to-- Oh.” Snape’s expression suddenly drops and he blanches. James looks at where Snape is looking and sees a group of wizards walking towards them. He recognises them. The leader, Thomas Feast, is familiar. Used to be mates, he and James. The Ravenclaw is Lemon Barracus, James weakly recalls, and the other two boys (a Gryffindor and a Hufflepuff) are called Onyx Silverpelt and Wiley Sow. 

“Hey, Potter ! What are you doin’ to Snake ? Mind if we join,” Feast says, sinnisterly. James feels himself grow red and frowns before putting his arms up in front of Snape. Sow quirks an eyebrow. 

“What’s up ?” Sow asks.

“Snape is my b… friend now.”

“What ?” Silverpelt gasps, a smile creeping up wide on his face. “Can’t be serious.”

“I am,” James challenges. “I like him.” Everyone frowns at that.

“What, like, are you a faggot now ?” James clenches his jaw and Feast grins. “No focken’ way. Potter’s a fruit !” James shrugs.

“And ?” James steps forward and Feast steps back, fear riding across his face briefly, before his original smugness comes back. “What’s wrong, Feast ? Uncomfortable ?”

“Fuckin’ fruitcakes,” Barracus hisses. “Feast, it ain’t worth it.”

“To hell it isn’t,” Feast growls. “That was _ our _toy.”

“Excuse me ?” James gasps. “The bollocks did you just call him ??”

“Potter,” Snape whispers, tugging softly at James’ robes. James shakes his head.

“What does he mean ?” Feast sneers, a shit-eating grin once again plastered on his ugly mug.

“What ? Snivvley didn’t tell you you weren’t his first ? Didn’t tell you he’s a right fag first ?”

“What does that mean,” James asks calmly. 

“Potter,” Snape says, again, this time his voice quivers and he starts to shake again. James doesn’t move.

“It means you ain’t the only one who’s fucked ‘im in the arse.” James doesn’t realise he’s done it until he feels a sting in his hand and wet liquid on his knuckles. Feast flies back and skids on his elbows and arse. Blood stains the concrete where he lands and James looks at his bloodied knuckles. Then he feels Snape's grip on his robes tighten.

"The bloody fuck, Potter ? What was that for ? We can share… it's washable, you kn–" James rushes forward, leans down, grabs takes ahold of Feast’s vest and slams his head back into the concrete. Feast screams in pain and eventually the other members of Feast’s group intervenes, grabbing James’ elbows, hauling him up. James doesn’t know what happens next, but in the blink of an eye, he’s in Madam Pomfrey’s infirmary. He sits up and looks around, blinking red and dark purple spots from his vision. He sees Snape sitting next to his cot, his elbows are resting by his legs and his head is down on them. He’s sleeping… He must’ve been there a long time, then. Snape must’ve felt James rise because he starts to stir and raises his head. His hair is a matted, stringy mess around his face, which looks shallower than last time he saw him.

“Potter,” Snape says, sleepily. James smiles and grabs one of Snape’s hands, then winces and jerks it back. There’s bandaging wrapping over his arm and hand, from his forearm to the middle of his fingers. Then he feels his temples begin to pulse and hisses in pain. Snape smiles. “You’re pretty beat up,” he says. James feels bandaging on his forehead when he tries to reach up to rub his temples.

“What happened ?”

“After you nearly cracked Feast’s head open, Sow, Silverpelt, and Barracus threw you back and tried to hold you down. You nearly dislocated Sow’s jaw and broke Barracus’ left arm. Then they used their wands to paralyse you and… they kicked you until Professor McGonagall found us. Luckily the kicking didn’t go on long.”

“Oh… How are you ?” Snape shakes his head, his smile fading from his face.

“How can you ask that when you’re in such a state.” James smirks.

“Quite the knight in shining armour, aye ?” Snape rolls his eyes.

“You’re pathetic. Wish they kicked the cocky out of you.”

“Ouch…”

“Literally ?” James puts his arm down and lightly shoves Snape’s shoulder.

“Sod off.” Snape looks down.

“But yes… I didn’t ask you to do that, you know.”

“I know.”

“You were angry when he… said those things.” James knits his eyebrows despite the pain it brought him.

“Why the fuck was he talking to you like that ? No one speaks to you like that from now on or I’ll kill them.” James relaxes his eyebrows and forehead and brings a hand up to one of his eyes. It’s starting to pulse. Brilliant… “I’m sorry if I scared you. It’s just… Well, I care about you… And I know how shitty I was to you for the longest time and you deserve a break. You deserve peace. And happiness, I don’t care how stupid and cheesy I sound.” James opens his eyes to look at Snape and sighs. Snape’s crying. His black eyes are staring sadly into James’ hazel ones. His mouth is in a quivering frown and there’s a tear falling to his chin.

“You… You stupid bastard,” he whispers before getting up and embracing James in a light hug. Too light.

“I know I’m kind of in pain, but I wouldn’t mind if you came closer.” Snape chuckles softly and tightens his hug just slightly, pressing his chest to James’. James sways them slowly and they stay like that until the infirmary doors open suddenly. Albus Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey storm in and Snape immediately jumps back.

“James Potter, do you realise how much trouble you are in ??” Madam Pomfrey asks in a very hushed shout, no doubt trying not to wake the other patients who are sleeping. James nods.

“I’m sorry, I--”

“No excuses,” Dumbledore says, gently. “Mr Potter, I have to punish you for this.” James nods. “My mind is made up. You’re not only banned from the Quidditch team, but you are not allowed to visit Hogsmeade anymore nor are you allowed to go anywhere but campus grounds. You’re also suspended. For five days.” James has his eyes closed, his hands curled into an achingly painful fist. He knew his punishment would be bad, but fuck… But it… Was it worth it ? James opens his eyes only to look at Snape, his ears unconsciously tuning Dumbledore and Pomfrey out. Snape’s looking at him with fear and worry and guilt and James smiles. He reaches out from under his magic-heated blanket and grabs Snape’s hand in his own. He squeezes it softly and the bat drops his forehead to the cot, he’s shaking again. Then he looks at Dumbledore.

“Do you understand, Mr Potter ?” James nods. The headmaster relaxes a little. He opens his mouth to say more, but then the infirmary doors open and three very frazzled Marauders rush in.

“James !” Sirius cries. Remus is frowning and Peter matches the expression, however, Sirius is grinning like a madman on the run. Sirius and Remus are on one side of the cot whereas Peter stands next to Snape. The bat lets go of James’ hand, but James holds on tight. He doesn’t want to let go, yet. And Snape allows it to rest in his, eventually. Dumbledore shakes his head.

“We aren’t finished having words,” he says, softly. James bows his head and nods.

“Sorry.”

“Rest easy.” When Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey leave, James turns to Sirius and grins.

“We heard what you did to that weasel, Feast.”

“And his bloody crummy mates,” Peter adds.

“Snape told us everything,” Remus says, softly.

“You should have heard the awful things they said about him,” James mumbled, his grip on Snape’s hand tightening, but shaking, too. He felt his chest burst into shocks of heat. He’d never felt so mad in his entire life. Never. “I don’t regret what I did, you know.” He turns to Remus when he says it, but doesn’t realise it until Remus speaks.

“I know,” he says.

“Romantic,” Peter says, smirking. “He was like your knight in shining armour.” James starts laughing and Snape rolls his eyes.

“Awful,” Snape mutters.

“Indeed,” James retorts. 

“Everyone heard what you did,” Peter says.

“Yeah ! You and Snape are the talk of the school right now,” Sirius says in a way that reminds James of pride ? Sirius is way too chaotic to be imagining what had happened hours earlier. Of course he’d make it more dramatic than what it was.

“Sorry,” Remus says, suddenly. “Sirius said Snape is your boyfriend and you were protecting him. Said you fought off four guys at once and broke a bunch of bones.”

“I made him sound badass,” Sirius says, defensively. Remus rolls his eyes and continues.

“Anyways… what do you want us to do ? We can say you two aren’t dating or that it wasn’t as bad of a fight as it seemed or--”

“No,” James says, softly. “I don’t care what they think.” He squeezes Snape’s hand and smiles when he feels Snape squeeze back. After a few more conversations and the Marauders leave before curfew, James notices Snape asleep again, on his arm. He’s still lightly squeezing James’ hand, though, which makes his heart feel fuzzy. As if it were filled with tons of noisy bees. He shakes him lightly. 

“Snaaape… Snaaaaape…” James smiles. “Severuuuss…” Snape stirs, mumbles something, and looks up. He blinks and leans back when he realises where he is and wipes his eyes.

“Sorry,” he mumbles and James chuckles. 

“Don’t be… It’s almost curfew. If you wanna go.”

“Hmph. Getting rid of me that easily ?”

“I don’t want to,” James admits shamelessly. Snape smiles and it looks so adorable on him. His dimples show as he does and it makes James swoon.

“Me neither, if I’m being honest… It’s a good thing everyone ignores me and treats me as if I’m invisible, so I’ll stay here. No one will notice if I’m in bed or not.”

“Are you sure ?”

“Not to encourage your over inflated ego, but yes. I’m sure.” James smirks and Snape scowls. “Don’t let it get your hopes up, Potter. I still don’t like you.” James starts rubbing circles into Snape’s knuckles again and smiles even wider.

“Mmm, alright.”

“I’m serious, Potter.”

“‘Ello Serious, I’m James. Not Potter.” Snape rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling again. Then he frowns and looks down.

“You were banned from playing Quidditch…”

“Was I ?” James clenches his jaw. Fuck. He doesn’t remember that… Snape looks guilty, so James forces himself to smile and lift their hands up. James lifts Snape’s hand to his and kisses his knuckle, earning a very light gasp from the startled bat. “It was worth it,” he says and Snape sighs.

“Pathetic.”

“Yeah ?”

“Yes. Absolutely pathetic. Overly sensitive child.”

“Protective.”

“Golden Retriever puppy protective. Irrational, immature…” Snape looks away. “Loyal.” James beams.

“That’s the first compliment you’ve ever given me, Severus,” James says. Snape looks up.

“You’ve said my real name three times now.”

“Ah… You heard me when I tried waking you up ?”

“Try ? You _ did _ wake me up, you git.”

“Oh. Well-- You know what I mean…” Snape smiles and squeezes James’ hand.

“Yes, I do… And yes, I heard you.” James frowns suddenly. He turns his waist despite the pain and uses his other hand to cup Snape’s neck. Snape jumps slightly, but when he’s looking at James, his eyes are full of oblivious trust. And oh, it makes James’ heart swell. Because he wants Snape to trust him so much. He wants to let Snape know that there _ is _ someone who cares about him. He isn’t alone, not anymore. And all those lonely years of having no friends. Oh, it makes James tear up. He doesn’t know if it’s the drugs he was given for the pain or the tiredness or the soulmate bond, but he hates himself so much for Snape’s sake. He wishes he could strangle his younger self. He wishes he could go back and tell himself to befriend the awkward Slytherin. The misunderstood and the smart and the _ brave _. James leans in quickly and softly places his lips on Snape’s. Snape eagerly presses back and James immediately starts to sob. Snape pulls back and they press their foreheads together and they rest there and James continues to cry silently while Snape purrs out the prettiest shh’s and rubs his back and he even brought his other hand up to play with James’ hair and rub his scalp and it calms him down. It does. It does, but he doesn’t stop crying because

“I think I love you,” James whispers and Snape stills for only a second before he continues his shh’s and his pets and James pushes back to sit up and pull Snape into another giant hug. Snape hugs him back. And he scoots over so Snape can get in with him and the bat does and they lay down and they stay in the warmest embrace James has ever known. James eventually stops crying and his sobs die down and with one last shiver, he rests completely against Snape. Against Severus. Against his soulmate.

“You’re stupid,” Severus mutters suddenly. James laughs and then grunts from the pain in his sternum. Severus giggles, too, and it’s hoarse and snively, but it’s adorable and it’s his favourite kind of giggle and he kisses the top of Severus’ delightfully greasy head.

“Yeah ?”

“Yes… A stupid arsehole.”

“_ Your _stupid arsehole.”

“Oh, I hate you.”

“I know,” James whispers and then Severus tenses.

“I didn’t mean that,” he whispers back. James kisses him again and begins to rub circles on his shoulder.

“I know, love.” The silence stretches and stretches and James is almost sure Severus fell asleep until he speaks. And James feels his heart stop.

“They raped me for two years straight.” And it’s so very quiet and Severus is shaking violently from the sentence alone that James is almost sure his skin will fly off. James holds him closer and nods.

“I’m so sorry,” he says, almost inaudibly.

“When you and Black bullied me, I felt so much safer and happier in your presences… I knew you wouldn’t stoop as low as raping. I knew you’d find it disgusting and stop them from t-taking me away…” Severus pauses and James is sure it’s because of his stuttering. He isn’t used to showing James vulnerability. The only time was at the lake when Severus was sketching the squid. “That’s why I started sketching you. I idolised you for being stronger than me. For being able to stand up for yourself. Bullying was an organic thing, everyone did it to me. You didn’t do it as often as other groups. Maybe once a week. They were only pranks. You weren’t as verbal or as physical as the others. So sketching you and Lily were safe spaces. I’d do it when I felt stress. You both were my happy place. I would imagine Lily being there to comfort me and you being there to fight them…” James can hear the smile in Severus’ voice. “Looks like part of my daydreams came true.” James chuckles softly.

“I’m sorry.”

“Yes.”

“I’ll never let anything happen to you from now on.”

“Trust is sacred,” Severys whispers. “I don’t know if I can give it to you, yet.”

“I know… you don’t have to… let me prove it.” Severus nods.

“Okay,” he whispers.

“I’m sorry.”

“Okay…” They lay in another silence, Severus’ shaking has died down significantly. James tries to hold back his own emotions. He needed to be strong for Severus but fuck. He had done some fucked up shite to Severus. He’s done really really over the top ‘pranks’ on him. He can’t imagine what would be worse than what the Marauders were already doing to the poor bat… James holds Severus closer.

“I love you, Severus,” he repeats when he thinks Severus is asleep.

“Goodnight, James,” Severus whispers back and James shutters out one sob before he inevitably passes out from exhaustion.

* * *

FINAL PART

When James wakes up, his nose is immediately assaulted by the scent of sweat and maybe wet concrete and latex. Always latex. Severus is still sleeping flush next to him, except his robes and vest are off now and He looks so very thin and frail. James, as slowly and as gently as he can, picks Severus off of him and lays him down after he’d gotten up. His legs feel like jelly and his head feels like it’s static and spinning in multiple ways at once. But he trudges on to the bathroom to relieve himself before heading back. As he’s heading back, he looks at Feast who’s laying in a few cots over. He knits his eyebrows and walks over to the dying man. He has an air-bubble over his nose and mouth and a floating spoon keeping pressure on his closed eye. James apparently almost gouged it out when trying to reach for his nose. He feels the urge to punch Feast again but refrains, knowing he’s in enough trouble already and he has Severus in his cot just steps away. So James leaves without a word or action and finds Severus stirring. He sits down and lays on his side, facing Severus. Severus opens his eyes and James uses a free hand to brush away the bat’s stray locks. 

“Mm,” Severus mumbles and James chuckles.

“Me too.” Severus smiles.

“What time is it ?”

“Dunno… Did I wake you ?” Severus doesn’t say anything for a pause.

“I sensed your ugly mug wander away.”

“Yeah ? Must be the soulbond.”

“Mm.”

“You smell.”

“And you’re full of strawberries and roses, James.” James hums, ignoring the insult.

“When you say my name, Severus, I _ feel _ like strawberries and roses.”

“Merlin, you’re pathetic.”

“Bet you didn’t take me for a romantic.”

“I took you for an arsehole and I was right.”

“Isn’t the equivalent.”

“Since when did you care about technicalities. You don’t know what ambidextrous means.”

“I don’t do big words, you git.”

“I couldn’t tell.” James sighs and closes his eyes, still smiling. His eyes shoot open when he feels a pair of lips on his, however. Severus’ eyes are closed and he has one hand holding on to his loose hair, making sure it doesn’t fall into the kiss. James smiles into Severus and closes his eyes once more, pulling Severus closer. Severus freezes as the Gryffindor does, but when James doesn’t do anything further, the bat relaxes and pulls back, eyes still closed, a smile on his face. Severus bites his lip and James rolls his eyes.

“Stop doing that. You’ll ruin them.”

“Mm. Make me.” James smirks and rolls them over so Severus is pinned under James. Severus lazily rests his arms around James’ neck and James leans down to kiss the bat. Chapped and bloody, but so very gentle and warm. Severus tangles his fingers in James’ hair. The brunet rests his fists under Severus’ armpits and accidentally brushes his knee against Severus’ crotch. James’ eyes snap open when he hears Severus let out a throaty moan and feels that he’s hard. James’s eyes cloud over and he smirks. Severus breaks the kiss to look away.

“Aw, are you embarrassed, love ?” Merlin, it shouldn’t be as hot as it is.

“Shut up, Potter.”

“James. Call me James, please.” Severus blushes.

“James,” he whispers. James leans down to kiss Severus’ jaw, then his neck. “James,” Severus repeats and James smiles against his pale neck. He continues down and down, to his shirt. James brings one of his hands down and under Severus’ shirt before he feels the Slytherin shiver and freeze. James immediately retracts his hand and brings his head up.

“Sorry,” he whispers. Severus shakes his head.

“I’m sensitive.”

“I know.”

“I’m still healing.”

“I know,” James says quieter. “We won’t do anything like that. Trust me.”

“I want to trust you.”

“I know.” James goes back down to plant kisses all over Severus’ face. His stained purple eyelids, his crooked nose, his bloody lips, his sweaty forehead, his sallow cheeks, his unusually sharp jaw, his small neck. He kisses, licks, sucks, and loves the way Severus writhes and wines beneath him. Then Severus clamps his mouth shut and squeezes his eyes shut as James reaches down to gently rub circles on Severus’ clothed cock. The bat lets out a moan from behind his mouth and James stops kissing his neck to come up and look into Severus’ glossy black eyes.

“I want to hear you. You sound beautiful.” James feels Severus’ cock twitch from underneath his hand and he smiles. “So so beautiful,” he murmurs, leaning down to kiss Severus.

“Mm… I smell. So do you.” James nods.

“Yeah… I love your scent.”

“Mm ?”

“Potions… really bad potions. And old books. And like, the sun.”

“The sun ?”

“You smell warm.” James kisses Severus once.

“You smell like mud and mould.” Another kiss.

“Yeah ? Does it turn you on ?”

“Yes.” James smiles and plants one last kiss on his soulmate’s. Severus parts his lips and James takes advantage of it, using his tongue to sneak in and _ taste _ him. Severus moans under the soft intrusion, but he doesn’t pull back or tense, so James continues. Severus’ tongue is awkwardly sitting in the middle, unsure of its purpose and it’s absolutely adorable. Then he uses one of his hands to unbutton and unzip Severus’ trousers. Severus takes ahold of James’ wrist.

“W-Wait…” James pauses.

“We won’t do that. Nothing like that. This is just you.”

“Hm ?”

“Just you tonight.”

“What do--” James resumes his movement but this time the only fabric between James’ hand and Severus’ prick is his thin underwear and Severus arches into the sudden massage. James leans in and plants one last soft peck on the corner of Severus’ flushed lips. “Ah… What if someone hears ?” James reaches over to the side table where his wand in and chants a silence spell around the cot.

“Am I still stupid ?” Severus quirks an eyebrow, hands resting on James’ biceps.

“Extremely.” James smirks.

“Am I at least… cute ?”

“Mm, no.”

“No ?”

“No. You’re ugly.” James should feel hurt, but he can’t because he knows he’s irresistible. Instead he smiles wider. “I’m not lying.”

“So why are you letting me pet you, love ?”

“‘Pet’ ?? You’re disgusting.” James snakes his hand underneath the hem of Severus’ underwear and brushes his fingers against Severus’ cock, making the Slytherin gasp and tighten his grip around James’ arms. James smiles.

“This disgusting ?”

“Sh-Shut up…” James leans down and kisses Severus.

“Gorgeous,” he murmurs against the bloodied lips. “Beautiful.”

“S-Stop…”

“Complimenting you ? Why ?”

“I’ll…” James chuckles against the greasy-haired boy’s cheek.

“You don’t like being called stunning ?”

“I’m not used to it.”

“Get used to it. Because I can’t lie to you. It’s the bond. It’s impossible to lie to you.”

“I lie to you.” James wraps his hand around Severus’ pulsing prick and starts to stroke it, slowly, drinking up Severus’ breathy moan when he drops his mouth to his.

“Mm ? About what.”

“Calling you… ugly… I don’t think that…” James hums. “You’re… handsome.” James chuckles.

“Charming.”

“You’re that, too.” James blinks, still smiling.

“Oh, you’re so sweet, love.”

“Shut up.”

“What else did you lie about ?” James says, rubbing the pad of his thumb over the slit of the bat’s leaking cock, making Severus moan again and shudder.

“I think you’re strong, and brave,” Severus says, breathily, and it spurs James to sudden hardness. Much to his frustration. He purrs against the Slytherin’s ear, speeding up his hand. Severus’ fingers clench hard around James’ biceps.

"Thank you, love."

"A-And you're warm and you always smell nice." James huffs, hotly, and feels a warmth buzz through his gut and then cock. "You make me feel safe..." Severus pauses for a moment before contuinuing. As if he's afraid James won't believe him.

"You were so brave yesterday," he breathes. "My knight in shining armour."

"Severus," James grunts out, frustrated by how hard he's becoming just from Severus' praises alone. Severus smiles, no doubt aware of what he's doing to his soulmate.

"I love your voice," he coos. "It makes me feel safe."

"Ah…" Severus brings his hands up to James' head and digs his fingers into the Gryffindor's hair. James moves his mouth down to Severus' neck and bites, hard, making Severus cry out. James smirks against the sweaty skin.

"You're too good for me," James whispers. "My perfect soulmate." James feels Severus shake and shudder and go extremely quiet before the bat's hot seed spills over his fist and onto his stomach. James smiles, proudly and lays next to Severus. James charms his soulmate's seed away and pulls his bat into a very warm, very wet embrace. Severus only hums against him.

"I've never done anything like this before," Severus whispers. James chuckles, feeling his headache return tenfold.

"Mm. Was it okay ?"

"It was… fine."

"I'm glad it was _ fine _." Severus shifts closer to James and James lets him. Just when James thinks he'll fall asleep, Severus sita up and rests on his elbow, facing James. James opens his eyes and looks to the ravenet.

"Pot… James…" James smiles.

"Very good," James says, sarcastically. Severus rolls his eyes.

"James, let me be serious."

"You're always serious."

"James."

"Okay, okay. Go." Severus huffs and lays back down.

"Well, now I don't want to."

"Merlin's arsehole, what is it, Severus ?" Severus smiles softly.

"It's just… I'm trying to be… to feel mad at you, but… I can't. It's weird." Severus sits up, again, but this time he doesn't face James. "I want to be mad for everything you've done to me. You made my teenage years a literal hell… but after these last two weeks, something… it's wrong," Severus whispers the last part and James sits up, too. He wraps his arms around Severus' waist and rests his chin on the Slytherin's shoulder. Severus lets him. And he continues.

"I think, maybe, it's the soulmate bond. But it's so easy for me to hold grudges, you know ? I shouldn't be able to trust you this quickly. I shouldn't be able to love–" James raises his head and Severus cups his hand over his mouth. Then he puts his hand down and James can hear the smile in his bat's voice, "I love you, James." James turns his head to kiss Severus' temple.

"I love you, too, Severus."

"We're fucked up."

"Yeah…"

"No, really. I was… Lucius… he asked me to be a Death Eater, you know." James pulls back, slowly. Severus nods at the gesture. "Yeah… I told him I'd think about it."

"Sev–"

"But I'm not going to." James relaxes and lets out a long breath, making Severus chuckle. The greasy haired bat turns around and he's smiling wide. "Because I trust you. And you're the only protection I'll ever need."

"And you're the only protection I'll ever need." Severus chuckles and pushes James down, before joining him and resting his head on the Gryffindor's chest.

"I love you."

"Yeah ?"

"I've never said that to anyone and meant it."

"Not even your parents ?"

"I'm sure I've said it and meant it at the moment but… no… I've never truly meant it until now."

"I'm flattered."

"Shut up."

"Okay, love." Severus hums. Fifteen minutes go by and Severus' breathing evens out and James smiles.

"I love you, too."

END

**Author's Note:**

> Hate is strongly encouraged, I have my comments open to everyone <3


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